I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
