Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
