oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
