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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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