I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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