She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
