its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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