What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
