I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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