My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
