He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize