Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize