i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
