She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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