uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
