I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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