how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
