Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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