Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
