Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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