Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize