What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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