I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
