I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
