you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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