it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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