Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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