dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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