i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
