"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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