the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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