Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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