the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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