the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize