A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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