i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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