Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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