I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
