I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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