Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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