He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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