She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Im part way to drunk.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
