So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
