I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
