i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
