I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
