I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We just shotgunned beers for America
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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