my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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