So drunk its hurt
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
