i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
