is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I touched a dick in church today
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
