I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
