I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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