i may or may not be watching the land before time
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
