My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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