My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
