I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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