That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
