Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
