Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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