Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
